Jokes in English

It's time for most of us to go back to work, after our summer holidays, we know it is hard, so from Home English we would like to cheer you up in this post today, with some  funny jokes. Enjoy them!

Baby or monkey?

A lady and her baby get on a bus. The bus driver looks at the lady, and then at her baby, and then screams, “Ah! That’s the ugliest (el más feo) child I’ve ever seen in my life!”

The lady then, totally disgusted, marches up to the back of the bus to sit down. As she was sitting there absolutely furious, a man asks, “Are you ok?”

The lady replies, “I’m so angry, because the bus driver insulted me.”

The man says, “You go back up there (vuelva allí) and tell the bus driver what you think about him, and I’ll watch (vigilaré) your monkey.”

             

The dogs playing chess?

A man went to visit a friend and find him playing chess with his dog.

He watched the game in astonishment (con sorpresa)  for a while. He exclaimed:

     -   I can hardly believe my eyes! That’s the smartest (el más listo) dog I’ve ever seen.
 The friend replied:
- Nah, he’s not so smart,..He’s only won two games out of five.

        

Presidents on a plane

Five presidents are on a plane: George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Jefferson, George W. Bush, and Bill Clinton. George Washington says, “I will make someone happy!” and throws a dollar bill off the plane.

Then Abraham Lincoln says, “I will make five people happy!” and throws 5 one dollar bills (billetes de dolar) off the plane.

Then Thomas Jefferson says, “I will make 500 people happy!” and throws 500 one dollar bills off the plane.

Then Bill Clinton says, “I will make the whole world happy!” and throws George W. Bush off the plane.